Good day my lovelies!
Yes it’s me. Not dead. Not on life support. Not in jail. But I recently found myself in need of some radical time off while I figured out why I had become a walking zombie who couldn’t hold a creative thought in her head, or remember why she’d walked into a room… not once, but for the third time.
And so, I’ve spent the last few weeks (okay, it’s been months at this point) post book release, post book tour, post writer’s conference, takin a long hard look at myself, trying to figure out how and where I’d gone off the reservation. And here’s what I realized… I’ve been operating under the premise that “I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT ENOUGH.”
But then how could I be? I’m not perfect. At writing, or dieting, or blogging, or exercising, or keeping house, or marketing, or cooking, or public speaking, or travel planning, or… anything, really. But I was sure as fire trying to be perfect, to be all things to all people, to con myself into believing that if I just tried a little harder, did a little more, slept a little less, I could be. Or at least people would think I was.
Guess what??? It didn’t work.
In fact it NEVER works. And yet there I was, giving it my best shot, spreading myself so thin I no longer had the strength to even feel bad about myself. Guess what??? That didn’t work either. So I cleared the decks, caught up on my sleep, read TONS of good books–about the myth of perfection, the costs of shame, and the absolute critical need for self care. And then I asked myself a lot of questions, about what I want, and what I need, and what matters and what doesn’t.
Here’s what I leaned. I matter. The people I love matter. Fun matters. Growth matters. Joy matters. Love matters. Perfect does NOT matter. Because perfect is a lie. The kind we tell ourselves when we’re focused on what other people think, rather than how we feel and what we truly need to spark our souls. And I’m all done with that.
So… SO done.
Now, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop washing my hair, or mopping my floors. But it does mean is I’ll be saying “yes” to a lot more fun, and “no” to more of the things I don’t really want to do. I’m chucking my “shoulds” in favor of joy. Feeding my soul instead of my ego. Living my life based on what FEELS RIGHT, instead of what LOOKS GOOD. In short: I’m letting go of the lie, and embracing me, flaws and all. From this day forward, I intend to live LIT UP rather than STRESSED OUT. That’s my promise to me, and I’m sticking to it. By all means, feel free to join me! Life is just too short to live up to other people’s standards.
Love and Light, sweet peeps!